Allyship is a lifelong practice. It’s about showing up, supporting others, and working to make your workplace more inclusive and equitable. But no matter how committed or well-intentioned you are, you will make mistakes. And that’s okay. What matters is how you respond and grow from them. Here are clear steps to take when you’ve misstepped as an ally:
1. Listen without defensiveness
If someone gives you feedback or calls out something you’ve said or done, try not to react defensively. Instead of replying with “That’s not what I meant”, pause and listen. Let the other person share how they experienced your words or actions. This is an opportunity to understand.
2. Acknowledge the impact
It’s natural to want to focus on your good intentions, but in allyship, impact matters more. Your actions may have caused harm, even if that wasn’t your goal. Try saying, “I hear you. I didn’t realise the impact, and I’m sorry for how that came across.” Validating someone’s experience is often powerful.
3. Apologise sincerely and specifically
Avoid vague or half-hearted apologies like “Sorry if you were offended.” A meaningful apology is direct and takes responsibility. For example: “I’m sorry I interrupted you during the meeting. I realise that shutting down your voice, and I want to be more mindful going forward.”
4. Don’t make it about you
It’s okay to feel embarrassed, but try not to centre your own feelings. Saying things like “I feel terrible—I’m such a bad person” can shift the focus from the person impacted to your guilt. Instead, stay focused on repair and reflection.
5. Learn, reflect, and do better
Ask yourself: What can I take from this? What do I need to learn or unlearn? You might read more, attend a workshop, or speak with a mentor. Growth is part of the journey. Showing that you’ve taken feedback seriously and adjusted your actions is a powerful form of allyship.
Mistakes don’t make you a bad ally. The most effective allies own their missteps, stay open, and keep showing up. That’s what real progress looks like.