Mom’s career journey
Mom’s career journey was not unique, but I learnt so much from her. Mom was plump. She did nothing for her hair and nails. She was always exhausted and always at our beck and call. As a college professor, she made more money than my father who taught high school. But this never came up. She cooked our meals, made my clothes because there were no decent clothes stores where we lived. She directed plays and dance recitals for my brother and me to star in. She even deftly fended the occasional barb from envious homemakers. She suffered a daily commute on unreliable, dirty buses to the city so we could live in a comfortable housing estate.
She did all of this by putting us first, her career second, and herself third. She had been a brilliant student. She had secured admission to a reputed medical school. But she had to quit after the first year because she contracted tuberculosis. At eighteen, she began teaching in a school because money was tight. She scored top marks in her BA and MA despite studying through correspondence while holding down a full-time job.
Marriage brought more responsibilities. Not working was never an option. Her family had suffered after my grandfather had to stop working because of medical issues. This must’ve etched the need for financial independence deep in her psyche. So she soldiered on. She cared for a husband and two children while holding down a demanding teaching job.
Moving up the ladder
She was 52 when I finished school and moved away for college. She felt the shock of a quiet and empty house and had time on her hands. This may have prompted her to finally accept an offer that had been on the table for years. She left the college she had taught at for over 25 years. She became the principal at a new college. She began working long hours. She learnt people management, dealing with university officials, deciphering government regulations, sorting out funding, and all sorts of stuff on her feet.
I don’t remember her talking about gender issues or workplace issues. I don’t think she had the time to think about this. She just took each day as it came. She did her best and stayed cheerful.
Soon she bought a small car, and hired a driver to take her to work. She began to be invited to join the boards of various schools and colleges, inaugurate events, give away prizes. Eight years later, when she retired, the college organized a grand farewell. Local newspapers covered it and carried flattering profiles of her.
She accepted all the fanfare with the same equanimity with which she had accepted everything that had come her way in life.
Lessons I learned from mom
When I find myself overthinking my life choices, I take a deep breath and think about Mom’s career journey. I tell myself to just do the best I can for today. When I start worrying about whether I’m doing irreparable harm to my career by working from home, I think about Mom’s career journey.
She doesn’t say much now. Alzheimer’s has chipped away at most of her abilities. But I imagine she’d tell me to just stay the course. I think she’d say something like “just keep doing the best you can. When the time is right, the right opportunity will come. And you will have earned it.”
I’d like to think that this mid-career slowdown that seems to affect more women than men is actually an advantage that we should cherish. When parenting or other mid-life phenomena force us to slow down or take a sabbatical, we need to remember that we are continuing to learn and grow and hone our skills.
Office politics is less complicated and not as terrifying as playground politics. Staying calm through tantrums and illnesses and sleep deprivation, becoming the patient, wise self that you never thought you could be. These are blessings we should appreciate. Dealing with uncertainty, making crucial decisions with far-reaching consequences. These are concepts you truly understand only when you become responsible for a little human being.
Parenting is a boot camp. Not even the best corporate trainer can devise it. We need to remember that as and when we return to work.
Instead of feeling inadequate, apologetic and grateful for being allowed back in, we should stride ahead. We have an edge over others.