No, this article is not about relationship advice. But in a sense, it kind of is. After all, navigating workplace dynamics isn’t so different; you still need to respect boundaries, read the room, and take ‘no’ for an answer. Whether it’s pitching an idea, scheduling a meeting, or even deciding if a colleague is up for small talk, consent plays a role in everyday work interactions more than we realise.
Real respect means hearing what a person’s boundaries are and honouring them, not manoeuvring them into saying “yes.”
Pop culture often blurs the line between persistence and romance, making it seem like relentless pursuit is the key to winning someone over. Think only of the innumerable rom-coms where the relentless pursuit of the love interest is portrayed as passion. A “no” is nothing more than a hurdle for the hopeful heroes who chase their love interests to airport boarding gates and serenade them with boomboxes. Although these scenarios can sweep us off our feet in theatres, the lines between true connection and violating someone’s personal boundaries can become muddled in real life—and in the workplace.
What consent (or the lack of it) looks like at work
Consent, at its core, is a simple concept that all of us navigate in our day-to-day professional lives. It shows up in more ways than we might think:
- When a colleague is clearly focused on a task, interrupting them repeatedly shows a disregard for their need for space
- If a manager continuously insists that a direct report attend an after-work gathering despite the employee’s hesitations, it shifts from being an invitation to feeling like an expectation.
- Just because a peer shares personal stories, it does not mean you are obligated to reciprocate. Pressuring someone to be vulnerable when they are uncomfortable crosses a boundary.
Most of us are good at reading social cues; we can usually tell the difference between someone who is truly interested in an interaction and someone who is just being polite. But at times, we miss these signals, sometimes on purpose or just by force of habit. Making a conscious effort to recognise when someone is hesitant or uncomfortable is crucial.
What is healthy consent? Here’s a quick overview:
- A tentative “maybe” is not an enthusiastic “yes.”
- Giving consent requires you to know the whole story before making up your mind.
- No pressure or coercion: it’s really about making an honest choice.
- People can, and do, change their mind even after initially agreeing.
- Just because someone agrees to one thing doesn’t mean they agree with everything.
If the answer isn’t clear, it’s perfectly fine to ask for clarification. Ask questions rather than assuming things. This comes with creating an atmosphere where it’s safe for someone to say “no” without the fear of retaliation.
How to navigate the situation if someone says no?
- To show that you are paying attention to their needs, restate what they’ve said in your own words to confirm you understand their perspective
- Don’t get defensive; allow yourself to absorb their point of view instead of prepping a rebuttal
- Offer an apology if needed.
As the Michigan law professor has stated, consent has “moral magic”: it turns “trespass” into hospitality and “theft” into gift-giving. How you feel about consent matters, even if there are no legal concerns. Just because an act isn’t considered illegal doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect you, your feelings about it are still important.
Healthy relationships are founded upon open communication, mutual respect, and enthusiastic consent. Active listening, being respectful, and encouraging open communication are vital elements of building genuine connections.
A popular video explains consent with tea: if someone doesn’t want tea, you don’t force it, guilt them, or throw a tantrum.
Consent works the same way, it’s simple and respectful.